and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize