he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
