Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
