i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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