i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Operation Purity has been aborted
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
