I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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