You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
