Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
