We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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