Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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