i may or may not be watching the land before time
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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