I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
