I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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