You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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