Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
