Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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