I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
