so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
