First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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