i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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