And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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