Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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