just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
