Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
