my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
