We're like a lot better than the average bears
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
