well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
