STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
