i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
