hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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