I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize