Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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