Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
