Need sex. Gaining weight.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize