im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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