Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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