I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize