so let's talk penis.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
