Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
