i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
