You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
