About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
