Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize