i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
