i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
