I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
