I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
