He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
