I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize