i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
