You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
