Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
