Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
