She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well I just put wine in my tea
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
