Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
