If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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