She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
