I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
