think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize