i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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