I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
