Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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