Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
