she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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