you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize