But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
