You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
