took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize