i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
