I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
