the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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