Well apparently he's into motor boating.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
