i jhust puked up my retainher.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
