Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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