The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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