Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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