Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
