i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
