Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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