I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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