Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
