My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
