brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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