Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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