he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
