Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
