I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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