How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
