I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
